You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she peed on how many people?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
