Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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