I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
