And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
