So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
