We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
