Ambien. No doubt about it.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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