Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
