real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
