all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
