I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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