LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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