my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
