Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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