I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
