I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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