You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
