so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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