I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
