I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
