i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
