There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
