her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
