Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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