Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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