i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
