Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
