I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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