i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
