did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
