She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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