Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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