Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
