I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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