Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
