the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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