Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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