My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
