the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
