dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
