So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
