I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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