So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize