sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
