I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize