I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
