So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
