Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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