If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
