eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
