I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
