Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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