I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize