You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
