Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
