Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
