A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low