I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life