When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
