Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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