Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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