mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
