So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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