If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pants are for mortals
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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